I CHOSE US..

Sometimes we can loving so much to someone as we can only love once in the life, so deeply, with so much love and so many tears too, because the love without tears, without sorrow, it can not be called a complete love, a real love.. we love what we suffer, we suffer what we love, and the more you love someone, the pain is deeper, stronger and durable..

I love someone in that way in my life, with so much love in my heart for that person, but also with so much pain.. 
With so much love because that person has been unique for me, since i know him, he knew how to be getting into my mind and heart, his tenderness and other qualities captivated me, and i fell in love with him.. i love him because with him i feel in a safe place, because he knows who i am, he knows what i think, what i feel, what i fear, he has seen my tears, he has discovered me..

To feel love in that case is something so natural, so spontaneous.. but also it feels painfully.. pain not to be with the person you love, pain because of the distance, 
due the absence, not to know how will it fit his hand into yours, to cry alone, even worse, because that person dont even know that you cry for him..

¿How many feelings would be lost in that way? without to be listened, without to be felt, without looking the tears in the face..
It hurts me that that person dont know how much i love him, that he dont know how many hours i think on him, how so deep are my feelings, it hurts me that my feelings must die in the anonymity without to be perceived, without to express that for which they were born.

It hurts me to think that that person can believe that my feelings are the result of something wrong in my head, the doctors call it, ocd.
It hurts me to think that he can believe that my sorrow for his absence, the intensity of my feelings, the deep of my love dont be legitimate, that is not born from my heart, but my obsessions.
It hurts me to think that he doesnt feel that same deepness of my afection, that he can confuse the interest of my questions with anxiety of my mind, that he doesnt believe in my love, its profundity.

¿What can it be done to show someone how much you love? To show the intangible, that which is carried in the heart? I've always thought that the words communicate very well that what we think or feel, i think that there where the voice is silent, where lonelines does not let speak, the words shout, the words express, the words fill a hollow in our heart.. thats why i've always give my words to him, because i want to think that each time when he read them or hear them, he can understand better what i feel for him, he can remember my words in each ocassion when he need them, is a gift from me to him, however, maybe they are only words for him, empty words, which are not filling any hollow in his heart, that not light up any dark room, that not heated the cold of his soul, that not put a smile on his lips, that not accelerate the beating of his heart, that not reflect my 
love, that not refelct the passion of my soul..

¿How to know what is passion from what is dependence? ¿How to distinguish what is needing someone from what is anxiety? ¿How to show someone how much we care, how can get in the deep of their soul, their senses, their mind, into their heart? For me, everything is clear in my heart..

I have so much to give, a whole life..
a heart that loves, a heart that cries,
an eyes which look and denude a soul,
a hands which want to hold a dream, an embrace
a mouth thirsty to say i love you,
a lips avid  to kiss the love
a mind full of memories and fantasies,
of plans and dreams
a voice that want to pronounce always the same name,
that calls it deeply, in the loneliness, in the darkness, 
in the hard moments, in the happy ones..
I have a heart that beats,
a heart that has been given to me to love someone with all my strenght,
a heart to live..
not a heart to be broken, to be of glass,
not to be given someone..
i chose give it, i chose live,
i chose suffer, i chose love..

I just want to give my all love to that person, i wish that my love was enough for him, to make him happy, i wish that his heart would not break, that he could need me with the same intensity, that he understood that my words dont want to attached him, they want to understand him, that my questions dont want to questioning him,, 
they only want to know him, that my longing dont want to overwhelm him, only loving him.. to love as we love to our parents, to our siblings, to our the most loved ones,  namely, in a unique and excepional way, eternal one, deep, immense, intense, no matter what.. to love, because to love is the only aim of our lives, because we all dream with to love and be loved, because maybe once you can love in your life, maybe once you can be loved by someone else, but to love and be corresponded by that same person you love, that is priceless, that is the higher goal to live.

If my love could touch you, it would already touched you from here with my huge wings, with my wings of fire, of tears, of passion, of love, of tenderness, of warmness.. That's me, the little girl who loves, who want to give everything, who doesnt know how to do to express it, who in exchange just want to be corresponded for the man she loves, that's me,  not the girl with ocd, simply the girl with an alive heart to give.

His Magic On Me


I can't stand it

when i think of him so badly, desperately
and i can't stand it..
his distance, not to hold me
and there's not word to explain, just emotion feeling inside.
It's just about fragility..                            


There's not body anymore but just a pile on fire,
burning till consume with crying
with desperate hands because of a touch
desperate lips because of a kiss
desperate soul because of his love..
and find myself in the only person i can reflect as mirror on him, without no shell when i look into his eyes and they explain the meaning of life to me, the things which matters, his silence.. his terrible silence where i want to find words as to find golden in a stone..
where i stop recognizing myself to recognize him, so perfect to me, so ideal, beyond of my strenght

The only person i can reflect as a mirror..

And that mirror reflects a little girl hiding from the world as a palid rose hiding into thorns,
feeling in safe with the only man she has trust..
This is the most terrible passion

because i want to take off all of him, and i want him to take off all of me..
always wanting more, more, always more, each time and day, nights and dawns too.. because there are not limits for love, there''s not empty hour without feeling

There's not that kind of magic even in the real storms, but he can make shaking my heart, trembling my body deeply without to touch..
his magic is unreal, he can make trembling all of my balance just with looking at me, only with a simple word.. just to be there.. with his soul dancing mine in the silence, living without to know the poison of his magic on me, his powerful magic on me..

Lacrimosa - Darkness









My heart, my love
one word, and gone
to stay, i will
believe, and pray
to see, to feel
to hear, to be and gone
how can i get close to you?
how can i the foolish one?
LOVE can't be seen but only kissed, but only kissed
i have so much love to give
but where are you and how to be reached?
Can i talk, can i speak?
and can i lay my head on you?
can i choose and can i say
i love you!!!
Darkness surrounding me
my head hangs LOU
your arms are far
your breath takes me
besides i am in love
i'm loving you but you
so far from me i'm holding out
your words your face your breath
your touch your heart should cover me
but all you do is watching me
so i dismiss the grace of you
and far beyond the darkness grows
which leads me back to all my roots
the longing and the pain
in darkness and disgrace
the longing and the pain
in darkness and disgrace
Beauty can't be seen but only kissed, but only kissed
i have so much love to give
but where are you and how to be reached?
Beauty can't be seen but only kissed, but only kissed
i have so much love to give
but where are you and how to be reached?
how to be reached?
how to be reached?


This is what i feel for you mi vida, each time, each day, each night since i love you..
That song says a lot about me and about you, about my love for you..

and each time when i listen it it can take its biggest expression as remembering you, just with the only way it can be when words aren't enough to express what the heart feels,

With tears..

¿Remember this mi amor?

Once in the video you made for me, you said, that image was holding your hopes..

You said this meant the heaven for us, our heaven to be..

I saw that image recently and i couldn't hold the many emotions, my love..

It was to remember our earlier hopes, our first dreams, 

the dreaming scenarios to make our love come true..

Yes mi amor.. that image is still holding my hopes too,

this is all what i want to reach with you,

our own moments of eternity,

our own place in the life to spend life as together..

Te amo..

Mi amor..

I want to tell you something my love, a secret..

I spent many nights thinking in you, as i always do..lying in my bed i was tying to find the correct words to reach your heart, i was trying to make poetry, holding special words to be given to you, as flowers in your hands

Oh.. ¿how many days and nights i tried to write my soul, to make my heart speak? and i realized something happened.. Only when i was talking to myself, in the intimacy of my feelings, the words were spoken all clear and correct, all naked and perfectly reflectling all what i wanted to say.. 

Now, many days and nights have gone away and there was not poetry on here to be given you..

Only forgotten words, forgotten poetry

Empty lines, empty space..

But you are perfect poetry mi amor,

you are endless song for my heart..

¿What if i only let my heart speaking to its own rythm? 

This is me now, my heart speaking again, to your distance, to your soul..

I should not care the words anymore n its armony,

just let my heart speak, in all languages,

in all forms of the love,

even if the love has an only way for me..

Always you..  

So i hope my words can find the way of your heart again,

Just let me be into your love again, my darling,

let me be into you..